break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
