The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
