he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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