We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
