I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
