Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
