He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
