How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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