pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
