I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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