I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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