my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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