Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
