PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
