He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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