Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
