The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
