oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
