when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
