Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
