I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
