There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
