so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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