I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
