the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
