FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
