fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
