I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
