I didn't shave. On purpose
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
