You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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