he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
