she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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