I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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