don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
