So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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