Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
