I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
