Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
