u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
