I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
