getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
