seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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