i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
