I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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