Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drake has all the answers
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
