my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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