chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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