would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
