three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
