that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
