I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
