dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
